My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
