Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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