i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
