Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
