a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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