Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
