drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
