I have demons in me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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