You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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