be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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