Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
