why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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