I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
