Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
