woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
