I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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