Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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