My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
