Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
