he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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