I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
