I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
