So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
