You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
