Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
