Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize