**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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