I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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