Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
