Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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