he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
