Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
