Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
