Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
