I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
