You're so nebulous sometimes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
