Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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