her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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