you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
