I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
