I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize