i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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