i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
