i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
