Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The feeling are messing with the penis
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
