thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
