she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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