Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
