Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
