I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
