I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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