you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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