i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
