Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
