Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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