Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
