he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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