my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
