Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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