this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
