You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
