I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
