I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
