My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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