Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
