I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
