We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
