just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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