Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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