i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
