Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
