So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
