Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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