Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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