Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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