I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
