The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
