I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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