you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
