Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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