it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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