I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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