I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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