yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
