I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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