i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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