When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
