hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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