Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
