I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize