i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
