Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
